Thursday, July 31, 2008

Apple juice

So I've been feeling pretty down about the fact that this baby STILL hasn't arrived, and I am just so exhausted and so sick of being pregnant and feeling so disabled, and I'm not sleeping very well at all - what with having to get up to pee and waking up in agony every time I need to move, I'm probably sleeping in spurts of 45 minutes maximum! So I'm exhausted AND sleep-deprived AND hormonal, which is not a pleasant combination for anyone involved! And today is the last day of July, and I was so sure that my little boy would be born in July, but now it's looking like he won't be since he only has 11 hours left, and my contractions have actually slowed down the last couple of days. Joy. So I went to my regular prenatal check-up this morning - you know, the one that I thought I wouldn't have to go to because I would already have had my baby, and my NP was all surprised to see me because she thought I would have had him by now too, and then she checked my cervix and all of that, and absolutely nothing has changed since last week. I am still 2 cm dilated, 70% effaced and his head is at about 0 station. Exactly the same as last week. Depressing. So anyway, then I was feeling even more depressed and hormonal, and on my way home I stopped at Kroger to buy milk and yogurt and a few little things we were out of like that, and then I came home. Gabe asked how the appointment was, and since I just didn't want to talk about it, I just said it was fine but everything was the same. After I had been home for a few minutes Avery asked for some apple juice so I went into the kitchen, put some miralax in one of her cups and disolved it in a little water, opened the fridge to get the apple juice and realised that there was no apple juice in the fridge. I called out to Gabe to ask him if he gave her the last of the apple juice and he said he supposed so, so I stood in the kitchen for a minute holding the apple juice-less cup and wondering what to do, and then I just couldn't take it anymore and I sat down on the chair (which I put in the kitchen a few weeks ago because I couldn't stand up long enough to make any meals anymore) and tried to hold back the tears. But I couldn't, so luckily I remembered that there was a small bottle of apple juice in the bag I packed for Avery for when we go to the hospital, so I get that, pour it in the cup and give it to her. That of course makes me realise that all these hospital bags which I packed have been sitting around for so long that they're all gradually being unpacked again, so I got up and went into the tv room and threw myself facedown on the couch (and by "threw myself" I mean I carefully positioned a couple of cushions on the couch so that I would be able to lie down without squishing my giant stomach, and gradually lowered myself down onto the couch, grunting and groaning). Gabe of course must have been thinking I was crazy by this point, because all he knows is that there's no apple juice and I'm upset, so he pipes up a couple of times with comments like "I didn't know you were going to be going to the store, or I would have told you that we needed apple juice". After a few minutes he's ready to leave for work, and he comes in and I can hear him standing there behind me for a couple of minutes wondering what to do before he says, "So...do you feel bad, or are you just sick of it all?", at which point I can't keep the tears in anymore and start really crying which makes my face stick to the fake leather couch. I tell him that I'm just fed up of feeling bad all the time, and I mention a few of the things that are bothering me, I can't remember now, and so he rubs my back consolingly while Avery laughs at me crying behind him.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing all of this now is that about an hour after Gabe left for work, he showed up at the front door with about a billions gallons of various fruit juices, including replacement apple juice cartons for Avery's bag, and several large bottles of apple juice! I love him! He's so sweet! It's like, he knew that the apple juice wasn't really the reason I was upset, it was just sort of the last tiny little straw, but it was the only thing that he could do something about, so he did! We won't need to buy juice for MONTHS!

2 comments:

Sarah said...

Ah, I feel for you Josephine, although I have never been pregnant... yet. :)
/Swedish Sarah

overseas grandma said...

Darling girl - some women are simply not cut out for pregnancy. It seems you're one of them even although you are the most delightful of mothers.
Poor Gabe - you're not a weepy-wife type so he's not had much practice in dealing with these occasional outbursts.
I wish I were there to ease you of some of your burden.